January 2012
1 tag
A set of haikus, to the drunk bitches that live...
assholedisney:
Wow, this music is
so beautiful. Please, don’t stop
blasting it all night.
It’s totally cool,
I mean, I didn’t want to
sleep now. Or ever.
I hope you all fail
out of college and have to
join clown school, fuckers.
LOL! No caps large enough to express my easure with these haikus…
Clients From Hell: After sending two invoices for... →
clientsfromhell:
After sending two invoices for payment, I sent another and called the client when the receipt that they had received it came back.
Client: Why are you calling me?
Me: You haven’t paid and this is the third invoice I’ve sent.
Client: It’s even more than the last one!
Me: Yes. The…
Oh dear sweet jesus…
“I’m in love with you, and I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple...”
– John Green, The Fault in Our Stars (via sheistoofondofbooks)
“The only thing worse than training good employees and losing them is NOT...”
– Zig Ziglar
“Character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made in the small...”
– Phillips Brooke
1 tag
Ever Wonder?
Why you don’t ever see the headline, “Psychic Wins Lottery!”?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the person who invests your money is called a broker?
Why sheep don’t shrink when it rains?
A disturbing story about laissez faire capitalism
sanityscraps:
jonathan-cunningham:
ethicalecon:
Apple executives say that going overseas, at this point, is their only option. One former executive described how the company relied upon a Chinese factory to revamp iPhone manufacturing just weeks before the device was due on shelves. Apple had redesigned the iPhone’s screen at the last minute, forcing an assembly line overhaul. New screens...
1 tag
Helpful Wife?
A man, seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror, pulled to the side of the road. A few minutes later, a police officer approached the car.
“What’s the problem, Officer?” asked the man.
“You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55-mile hour zone. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ticket you.”
“No, sir,” countered the man....
“A cynic is man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.”
– H. L. Mencken
1 tag
Clever Doc
Dr. Cutter was the local veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine.
After prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner who asked what she owed.
“Eighty-five dollars, Ma’am,” he answered.
“Why that’s simply outrageous!” she...
1 tag
Name, Please
A first-grade teacher was overseeing her students as they experimented with their desk computers. One boy sat staring at the logon screen unsure how to get the computer going.
The teacher walked over and read what was on his screen. In her most reassuring voice, she said, “The computer wants to know what your name is.”
The boy leaned toward the screen and whispered, “My name is...
1 tag
Take Out
On a cross-country flight, a businessman was given gourmet brownies and cookies. He placed them in a vomit bag from the airplane to take home to the kids.
Later on, during the flight, the attendant noticed the bag looking full and offered, “Would you like me to dispose of that for you?”
To her confusion, he replied, “No thanks, I’m saving it for my kids.”
1 tag
Recording
Joe dialed a number and got the following recording: “I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of those changes.”
1 tag
Translation
Many years ago SHeila was a knitting expert. She designed exotic patterns with ease.
There was one occasion when she and her husband had lunch in a Chinese restaurant where all the menus were in Chinese. When Sheila saw the handwritten menu, she was so impressed with the calligraphy she tucked it in her purse.
Some months later Sheila wore a stunning white sweater with the Chinese symbols...
“Regrets are a waste of time. They’re the past crippling you in the present.”
– Under the Tuscan Sun (via kari-shma)
Yes
2 tags
